Have you noticed how pretty people on television are? Just the other day while watching the news (a rare occasion really as I seldom watch the news except for the weather) I was witness to a story about some crime or other in Toronto. Now it wasn’t the crime which struck me as interesting but the forensic team going into the scene to investigate. All of them had hair nets, booties and full enclosure body suits so as not to infect the crime scene with foreign matter. This is a far cry from the CSI shows that are so popular on TV. There are no portly graying men in hairnets and full body suits here ladies and gents, oh no. CSI hires only the best, they have muscled young blokes with six-pack stomachs, pretty blondes with lots of perfectly coifed hair to shake in full view of the camera. They pull up to the crime scene in their immaculately polished Hummer, stride into the crime scene in their designer jeans and Gucci pumps, purposefully dropping their toolbox square in the middle of it.
Cut now to the DNA lab, a place chock a block full of sensitive machines and whirring centrifuges where the smallest particle of DNA will point out exactly who committed the crime. Are any of the lab techs wearing anything other than a sparkling white, strategically revealing lab coat to protect against intrusions into the samples? Nope nary a hair net in site anywhere. They’re all perfectly coifed, perfectly made up in designer clothes looking more like runway models than CSI lab workers.
Switch channels now to NBC, the show playing is Lost, the premise, a bunch of airline passengers crash on an island and are lost. The camera pans up the beach revealing a burning wing, some parts of a very large fuselage, wheels and a jet engine or two. The planes remains look like they may be from a 747 or something with a few hundred people on board (as do the reminiscing cut scenes of people remembering their old lives), yet only about a dozen are walking up the beach looking for other survivors. On the day of the crash they look a bit rough, torn shirts, dirt smudges and a bleeding cut or two. Hardly the vision of a bunch of people who just crashed into the beach as their plane disintegrated around them. Within a day of the crash the men are all looking like dashing natives showing off their Tarzan physiques and six pack tummies. The women meanwhile are all perfectly dressed, coifed, nails done and looking like Mrs. Howell, not a stitch out of place.
What’s with the premise of Lost anyway? The writers would have you believe these people (the few survivors) are on this island and totally unfindable, unrescuable by anybody, spending many months on the island. Yet the island is not lost, it is run over by villainess pirates, by strange creatures that shake the bushes at night, by a secret underground lab fully stocked with food, medical supplies, guns and ammunition, even a radio. Although somehow the radio seems to get smashed in some sort of argument so they can’t call for help after all. Is there really in this day and age any island or land mass anywhere in the oceans of the world that hasn’t been photographed, mapped, charted and explored by Google Earth, NASA and a hundred other agencies? I doubt it.
I heard the other day that one of the American broadcasters is going to make a mini series about Henry the Eighth and his wives. The catch? The producers don’t believe that the historical vision of Henry VIII as depicted in every painting of him of a 400+ pound red head is very saleable to American audiences. So they have cast a pretty young American actor with tight buns and a great six pack (can’t recall his name) to play Henry. No doubt they will also cast six entirely gorgeous runway models to be his six wives, all with perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect complexions and designer gowns. All of which was common in the fifteenth century I am sure what with the crusades, plagues, pillaging, open sewers, no refrigeration, limited hot water, lack of soap and hygiene. I know I’ll be watching for that one.